I keep getting this feeling that I’m wasting my time.
If you dig deep into the bowels of this blog, I think you will find I am regularly blogging about time management. It is something I keep thinking about. I keep getting this nagging feeling that I waste a lot of time.
Part of this comes down to the fact that I struggle to be disciplined. It’s not that I can’t be disciplined; it’s that I find it hard to be disciplined. If I let my morning routine slip, or let the mess on my desk build up, it’s natural and right that I start to feel like I’m slacking.
But this feeling I’ve had is more than that.
The “more” boils down to dissatisfaction with how I spend my free time. Most of my time I spend eating, sleeping, working or studying. I enjoy my eating and my sleeping, work is only once a week and important to my finances, and my study is going relatively well. It’s not these parts of my life, filling most of my hours, which actually worry me. It’s my free time I am uneasy about.
I spend some of my free time playing computer games (averaging ½ hour a day). This is one of my favourite ways to relax, especially if I’m going braindead with university study or had a really tiring day at work. I watch a little bit of TV as well; but not much. A lot of my free time is spent wargaming. I realise most people think of computer games as “wargaming”. But my wargaming is about painting toy soldier figures and fighting battles with these toy soldiers, using dice and a measuring stick.
Why do I do this? I love history, and refighting the battles of history is a way of reliving the drama, the leadership and the epic stories I read about in history books. I also love the strategy and tactics involved (which is similar to chess). In my experience, girls do not understand my hobby, and guys get it straight away. So if you don’t understand, that’s okay. It’s something I enjoy doing.
Those are the ways I spend most of my free time. And I am feeling increasingly dissatisfied with how I spend it.
I think this is because my free time does not produce anything. I’ve got nothing to show for my free time other than the fact that I had a good time. And I do have a good time and I think having a good time is a good way to spend your time. But I am left hungering for more.
Does anyone else ever get that feeling? That they have more free time on their hands than they know what to do with, and that what they are doing with it is leaving them feeling a little empty?
Another thing playing in the back of my mind is that I know this season of my life will not last. When I get a full-time job, when or if I have a family of my own, or my own house, or other responsibilities, the amount of free time I have will shrink very quickly. And I will look back on this time of my life with envy, wishing I had this much time to spend again. And I want to know that I spent it wisely, that I spent it right. Cause I won’t get this time back again.
But how do I do that?