The Best Four Things I Learnt In School

The education on offer in Australia is truly spectacular. Historically, it’s very unusual that almost every citizen gets access to the education that we do.

So, here is a list of the four most important things I learnt in school. I’ve tried to give thought to how I learnt these things too, but that is hard because sometimes it’s our most invisible values and habits that have the greatest impact.

While I was homeschooled, this is not a homeschooling list. There’s no reason you can’t pursue these things in school also; I certainly hope to impart them to my classes as a high school teacher.

#1: Learning is for people, not the other way round

Ivory Towers: Just Say No!

My parents drummed it into me through conversations, Bible studies and parental correction that there is no point learning information if you don’t learn how to love your neighbour as yourself. After all, God created humans in His image and that makes people central to God’s universe. Their mantra was “God created ideas for people, not people for ideas”. That means being humble enough to respect others regardless of what they do or do not know, willing to share what you know to make others greater, and fundamentally interested in other people and not just data.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, this attitude doesn’t just make you a better person, it makes you a more teachable learner.

#2: A Love of Learning

Knowing lots of information is useful. But what has proved far more impactful in my life is the love of learning. If you love finding out new stuff, then you will go and find that stuff out whenever you need it, for the rest of your life. This is crucial because obviously school cannot predict all the things you will need to know for the next sixty years of your life.

It’s hard to say how my parents taught this, but I think the key was they stressed the realness of what we were learning. These are real people, these are real dilemmas in life, these are real things that happen. This gave learning immense significance, which in turn wired our brains to trust that learning is meaningful. Similarly, my parents drove us to pursue our passions, and this again taught us to sub-consciously associate learning with value, desirability and worth.

#3: How to Learn

Google Is Your Friend

Especially in the age of the internet, you can learn anything at any time. The trick isn’t to retain information in high school for the rest of your life until you need it in your forties. The trick is to know how to learn what it is you need to know, and how to go learn it.

I am glad I learnt how to research: how to construct a good Google search, how to use a library or an index or a table of contents. More fundamentally, I’m glad I was taught how to ask good questions. This creates a positive feedback loop that rewards curiosity; when you’re used to asking questions successfully, you get lots of practice at finding answers!

#4: Touch Typing

This might seem an oddly specific skill compared to the rest of the list, but I am so, so glad Mum made us sit down with that Typing Tutor program and learn to touch type (type without looking at the keyboard). I genuinely believe typing is the penmanship of the 21st century. Neat handwriting is nice, but we only write by hand in very specific circumstances. Typing is a near-universal chore, so being able to type comfortably and speedily is essential.

thoughful dinosaur
This is you without touch typing.

Watching anyone who has office work to do or an email to write “dinosaur peck” at individual keys is painful. It’s tiring, uncomfortable and slow. Touch-typing lets you get so much more done in the same amount of time before you weary of computer work, and makes the experience of writing far less off-putting. That means you will do more, and do it more quickly!

 

 

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What is ‘Adulting’?

A friend of mine was turning eighteen. Being a thoughtful person, she was asking her older friends what they thought it meant to be an adult. I thought that was a fantastic idea, and it really made me stop and think. What is adulthood?

I’m “only” 25. Compared to the human lifespan, adulthood is still relatively new for me. But on the way to growing up, I’ve encountered several misconceptions.

Adulthood is not an age – not in any meaningful sense. The idea of ‘growing up’ entails certain practices, beliefs or characteristics. These don’t automatically come with age, as the infamous “man-child” demonstrates. Sure, we might expect someone to grow up eventually, but a given number of trips around the sun doesn’t just make it happen.

baby cake
Growing Up and Growing Old isn’t the same thing 

Neither is it individual milestones like being allowed to drink, vote, or drive. People always made a big fuss about them when I was a teenager. I didn’t care so much; maybe because I am a boring person. But truthfully, these are individual activities and they might be very meaningful to individual people. They might even enable true adulthood (more on that later) but they aren’t the thing itself. We shouldn’t mistake expressions of adulthood for the substance of growing up.

Most importantly, growing up isn’t about independence from people, like your parents or your family. I think this was the most common vision of adulthood I heard, and it’s nuts. We drum into young people that they need to be individualists and get some space from family life, and then wonder why they struggle to adjust to the constraints of living with another person when they get married. Healthy adulthood is not about separating ourselves from other people, because all individuals need community. The question is whether we will find a supportive community while living in the same house as adults who are related to us, adults who are not, or by ourselves. I appreciate that moving out of home or living with different adults can be exciting, healthy or formational, but I question the individualist spirit behind the “move out of home” mantra. Being an adult is not about keeping a healthy distance from deep relational bonds.

Then what is adulthood?

As I understand it as a young adult myself, adulthood is an attitude that “the buck stops with you”, that you answer for your choices and what becomes of them. Disney has sold us the lie that we can be whoever we want to be, and so by extension, our world can become whatever we want it to be. This is a fantasy. So much of what dominates our lives (politics, economics, social contexts, other people) lies beyond our control. Maybe Millennials resent Baby Boomers for the difficult world we’ve inherited because we’re slowly realising our own powerlessness.

No, adulthood is the conviction that it’s up to you to make the most of whatever happens in your life. No one else is going to do it for you. The hard part is that it takes effort, initiative and courage to experiment as you figure out how you’re going to make your life happen.

l plate
Cars. Surprisingly Useful.

And there are many ways to practice and live out this philosophy. Despite my apathy towards cars, learning to drive enabled seventeen year old me to get a job and to more vigorously pursue the social opportunities that interested me. Those were ways that I started

to own my own choices in my head. Conversely, I was blessed with a supportive adult family and living at home wasn’t an obstacle to that type of ownership. There is no one path to adulting because it’s a character trait and not a set of cultural norms.

Naturally, your ability to live out this conviction expands as your body and mind matures. In our society, there are limits to how many responsibilities under 18-year olds can adopt. Biologically, puberty in the early teens (and the subsequent mental development for the next decade or more) also grows your capacity to respond proactively to life’s challenges.

Adulthood isn’t an on-off switch either. There are many ways teenagers can take responsibility for parts of their lives, and some people might consider themselves overall responsible at a different age to others. Owning your choices is such a varied and far-ranging concept that we should probably understand ‘adulting’ as a muscle we can start at a surprisingly early age, and continue to develop for the rest of our lives.

Adulthood isn’t an age, a milestone or a living arrangement. It is the headspace that you answer for your choices and their consequences, and that you’re willing to learn how to do that well.

 

Hospitality

Hospitality is a great virtue.

I imagine we could all list times we have been blessed by other people’s hospitality as they invited us to dinner, or to their house for the afternoon, or maybe even housing you overnight between flights in another city.

And the Bible commands us to be hospitable (1 Peter 4:9: “Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.”)

But it’s not as easy as it sounds.

First off, I don’t even have a house to invite people over too. I live with my parents. So how can I be hospitable if I don’t have a home to invite people to? Now, when I was housesitting, I had a house. But I still didn’t invite anyone because I feared my cooking was not up to standard, and because I didn’t think I could play the role of host like I’ve seen my Mum and Dad do.

Now, there are several answers to those problems, such as “Get over it!” and

Abraham Entertaining Angels Unaware
Abraham Entertaining Angels Unaware

“Learn how to cook!” and communicating with your folks so they can help you invite people to your house, because it is your house too. But as good as those answers are, ultimately these problems stem from the wrong understanding of hospitality. Hospitality is not “having visitors over”. That’s just a way of expressing it.

Hospitality is using your resources to intentionally create a space where other people can feel loved. It’s easy to see how inviting people for dinner can do that. But we can do that when we are out of the home as well.

For instance, listening is an incredibly hospitable act. When we listen to other people, then they feel loved. More specifically, they feel safe, because who they are or what they are saying is being shown respect. Your “listening ear”, to borrow the metaphor, creates a space where it is ok for them to show you a little bit of themselves. 

Conversely, if we are poor listeners, then we are inhospitable. If we do not pay them much attention, then they left feeling that their ideas or experiences aren’t valued, so it’s not safe for them to share them. But if they do not share, then they are isolated from other people, and without that connection, how can they feel loved?

Listening is hospitable.

In exactly the same way, kindness is hospitable. If the words we say or the acts we do show them that who they are or what they are saying or dong is valued, then we’re saying that it safe to be and do those things here. With that safety, they can dare to express a little bit of themselves. And with that freedom, we feel loved.

So I want to be a hospitable person. Yes, I probably should learn to cook (my mum is reading this after all!), but more than that, I want to be a walking dinner invitation, so that how I talk, listen and carry myself wherever I go says: “pull up a chair, make yourself at home. You’re safe here.” That’s very hard work. Some people are better at it than others. The key, then, for the rest of us, is to watch the good listeners and figure out how to use our unique skills to follow suit.